I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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