He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
