I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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