I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
