Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
