yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
