broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
