Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
