If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
