I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
should my penis look like a turkey
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize