why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
