Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize