Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
