I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone shit on the floor
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
