Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
