Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
