I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Someone signed my nipple.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
