I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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