if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
