They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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