Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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