mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
