$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
