I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
