Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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