Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
