at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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