one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
