My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
