Whod you bang
I smell stomach acid.
honey bunches of taint.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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