scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The best revenge is premature balding
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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