My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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