nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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