he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
