I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
