i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
