small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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