do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
