Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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