Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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