THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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