I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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