Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
