my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
