Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize