She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh god it's open bar.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
