yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
