The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
