The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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