my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
