I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
