if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
