i wish there were pregnant emoticons
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Life is so much better after having sex.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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