listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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