You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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