Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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