MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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