Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
