What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
