you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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