Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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