Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize