Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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